Have you been following our astoundingly effective social media campaign? If not, then you should, because it is probably the only place you will ever see things written by Karl ever again. Turns out it’s a lot easier to write snarky 140-character responses to things politicians and other dummies write than it is to compose 300- to 600-word articles that have to sustain a coherent premise. Funny how that works out.
Here is a slightly less lazy round-up of things that happened this week that we willfully ignored until now!
A Godless Homosessual Waged War Against Stay-at-Home Moms
A lady who loves other ladies was on the teevee and said that Ann Romney isn’t allowed to tell Mittbot that other ladies care about economic issues because, as the wife of an affluent businessman who was able to focus on raising her children (and riding salad dressage horses) instead of having to balance raising children with working to bring money into the household, she wasn’t in the position to understand what most working mothers go through. Fair point? Probably. A thing that needed to be said? Probably not.
If you want a good reason to dislike Hilary Rosen, Homemaker Hater in Chief, just remember that she served as the CEO of an organization dedicated to preventing copyright infringement by suing grandmothers for millions of dollars over songs they more than likely didn’t even download. That is probably more objectionable than saying true-but-jerkish things.
Did you know that of the estimated 80.5 million mothers in the United States, 5.6 million of them (as of 2004) were stay-at-home? That’s a whole 7%. This is according to the National Organization for Women. Research is so tiring, let’s get back to dick jokes.
Alleged Murderer and Men’s Warehouse Founder George Zimmerman Has a Website
A really horrible thing happened (in Florida, if you can believe that), when a guy who probably shouldn’t have had a gun and been in a position of any authority shot a 17-year-old to death because of reasons. I wasn’t there and I don’t know if the hooded, black teenager started mercilessly beating on the valiant sub-mall-cop neighborhood watch captain, or if the aforementioned neighborhood watch captain decided to shoot someone who had the audacity to, while being black, walk through his neighborhood.
Well, the guy who had a gun who shouldn’t have had a gun is telling his side of the story, and by “telling his side of the story” I mean ”has attached his name to an incredibly nonspecific and poorly designed website.”
It contains great quotes, like the following:
It has come to my attention that some persons and/or entities have been collecting funds, thinly veiled as my “Defense Fund” or “Legal Fund”. I cannot attest to the validity of these other websites as I have not received any funds collected, intended to support my family and I through this trying, tragic time.
He hasn’t gotten the money, but that doesn’t mean that the funds are bullshit.
It really is a wealth of information about what really happened; to whit, a page titled “The Facts,” which has no facts on it. Just a quote from some guy I’ve never heard of, followed by a statement of thanks to people who have supported him without “questioning [his] integrity or actions.” The best thing to do when your friend shoots someone to death is to not ask them why they shot someone to death. It’s just polite.
Alleged Murderer and Men’s Warehouse Founder George Zimmerman Was Charged with Murder and Looks like Bubbles from The Wire
And here I thought Florida lacked a judicial system like the rest of the United States. After a grand jury was convened earlier this week, special prosecutor Angela Corey charged Trayvon Martin shooter and Bubbles lookalike George Zimmerman with second degree murder.
On second thought, he may better resemble Detective Ellis Carver than Bubbles.
Other Shit that Bores the Fuck out of Me
Did you know that John Edwards is on trial for impregnating a lady, or something? Did you know that a mayor of something rescued people from a burning house? Barack Obama made money and paid taxes? Yeah, that’s all boring. Have another tweet.