Is it too late for us to have won the morning? I don’t know what’s wrong with the Romney family. Sure, they are no longer so hellbent on marrying multiple ladies that they willfully reside in a country that has questionable water purity standards and few, if any, eateries on par with Taco Bell in terms of authentic cuisine, but things with the Romney name seem just so terrible at politics.
Exhibit A: Willard “Mitt” Romney. A politician who seems, in many instances, to be so very bad at connecting with people who do not own yachts fueled by the blood of Poors. [Ed: We are unable to confirm that Governor Romney owns a yacht, but suspect that if he did, it probably is fueled by the blood of Poors.]
There was, for a short time, the belief that his wife, Mrs. Ann “Mitt” Romney, was the better-spoken of the couple, but that was all but erased when she, a lady who is rich, said that she was not actually rich. I don’t know if she was less ridiculous when she was younger, but evidence seems to suggest that once that Romney DNA plants itself inside you, you become a tactless android–an uncool version of Data from Star Trek.
Last night, wife of Mittbot opened her mouth again, this time revealing how the political sausage was made by showing you the trap door in her “Saw the Stay-at-Home Mom in Half” trick. Or something. NBC’s Garrett Haake reports:
“It was my early birthday present for someone to be critical of me as a mother, and that was really a defining moment, and I loved it,” Mrs. Romney said.
That’s how you know someone said something insensitive and offensive, when the target of that insensitive and offensive thing says that they loved it. No, wait, what?
Gov. Romney went further in engaging the so-called “war on moms” that followed in the media — upon which his campaign has been aggressively fundraising — calling it a “gift” that allowed his campaign to show contrast with Democrats in the general election’s first week.
WHY ARE YOU SO BAD AT THIS? That’s not nearly as bad as what your wife said but INSTEAD OF ACKNOWLEDGING IT AS BULLSHIT WHY NOT JUST SAY “WELL IT WAS NICE OF THOSE COMMUNIST DEMOCRATS TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH THEY HATE WOMEN” OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
HOW THE FUCK DID YOU BECOME GOVERNOR IN MASSAFUCKINGCHUSETTS? WAS THIS A CALCULATED ACKNOWLEDGEMENT BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT THE NEWS CYCLE IS ALREADY DONE WITH THIS NON-STORY OR ARE YOU JUST THAT FUCKING DUMB?
I truly believe that Ron Paul truly believes every dumb word that comes out of his mouth. Newt Gingrich emits words out of his gaping asshole of a mouth only for the enrichment of Newt Gingrich; this is a thing that has not changed since the ’90s. I don’t know which direction to go with the departed Rick Santorum–peace be upon his eternal soul–but if he is just behaving like a crazy religious nutjob to pander to voters, at least he doesn’t lift the fucking curtain up and show you where he hides the fucking handcuff key.
You are going to lose to a socialist Muslim because you are terrible at this. You are absolutely horrible at this.
This election is turds.